Tuesday, July 16, 2013

When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago

Do you ever have those moments that you just feel bitter about the past? I do. Sometimes you just can't help yourself. They sneak up on you. Like a stalking ninja you are oblivious to. When he gets close enough to go in for the kill he pounces. In those moments - thinking of the past - I can feel an overwhelming array of negative emotions who just try to barrel me down and hold me back.

Living in the past is a big no no. It doesn't matter what kind of religion you are part of, what spiritual beliefs you have or if you just think that living in the past is stupid, everyone agrees that holding on to your past brings you nothing but trouble. Knowing this might be half the battle, but you still have the other half of the fight. How does anyone stop these moments from happening?

My demon of the past would be my old friends from university. I cannot think of them without feeling betrayed. Whenever I accidentally think of any of those people, or of that time period, all I feel is resentment. And it's such a waste! It was a great time for me. I grew as a person, did a lot of fun stuff and gained experiences I wouldn't give up for anything. Ruining that by focusing on the negative things that happened seems a waste. And I know this. But still I can't prevent it.

Often I fall in the trap to wallow in self-pity and hatred. I viciously go through old pictures and bring back bad memories and emotions. Fortunately this doesn't last very long.  In the end I come to the same conclusion I always do. Everyone deserves to be happy, and who am I to want to deny people that. I take a deep breath, and forgive them - and myself - for the past. Let it stay there and move forward. Then I feel a lot better and I can let it go.

Until the next time.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, you cant escape what was. However, you can use what was to help define tomorrow;)