Saturday, August 31, 2013


Catsitting for my sister and her husband for ten days. I'll live at their house while they are on holiday so their cat, Zwelgje, doesn't get too lonely. He can be a real dragon when he doesn't get any attention, so this is a better alternative for him than people coming over to give him food. He'll get mad when they leave and attach himself claws and teeth to their legs. Poor thing! Both human ánd cat.


I like a change of scenery so I don't mind too much staying at their spacious house. It's a little closer to my jobs as well. Speaking of which, the lull in work I had a week ago is over. I had 2 weeks where I had both weeks 2 days off and that was a delicious luxury. Now I'm looking at 1 to 2 weeks (depending how my coming schedule of the week after looks like) of no days off. But just having had pay-day makes me not care one bit. All the hard work has literally paid off.

Michael seems to think that at the rate I'm saving I'll be able to buy my own car in the States. But to be honest, I think the tickets, visa prices, vaccinations and the time I take off work (and not making money) to visit the States is going to eat up most of it all. And the ultimate goal of me staying behind in the Netherlands was to work and make sure Michael doesn't have extra costs because of me. I'm holding up that end of the bargain very well, and I'm proud to say it. This is not the time to be greedy and hope for more than is realistic.

Tonight I work at the club again, but the be honest, that third job is a little too much. I think I will let my employer know this will be the last time I work there. I already told them that I couldn't consistently work there and it was going to be sporadic, so they have been prepared. The job is fun, but it just messes up my sleeping schedule too much, making the rest of my week cost more energy than needed.

So in that setting, I'm now going to try and take a nap to prepare for the work tonight. See you next time.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Pool in my backyard

Michael and I got an apartment! Ofcourse I haven't seen it personally, but I was part of the process of choosing and deciding. It's a 2 bedroom and even has an upstairs! I love multiple floors, I guess it's because I'm from the crowded and overbuilt Europe. It will feel a little like home.

We have a swimming pool practically in our backyard, you can see it from the back door. It's probably a 30 seconds walk, so morning swims might occur. Although I don't like swimming very much. But if it's right there out of my window I just might swim anyways. The second bedroom is for family that wants to visit, a real guestroom. The washer and dryer hookups are unfortunately not in the house, so we'll have to do our laundry big bang theory style in a communal area. Fine by me, I might even meet some nice people to hang out with.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Diablo 3 Expansion: Reaper of Souls

Guess what? The Diablo 3 expansion trailer has been released and I can tell you it is epic! EPIC. Michael and I play Diablo 3 together on hardcore and without the auction house. The auction house in my opinion has broken the game, so we play without it for more fun and challenge. But Diablo 3 has been out for a while, and it's getting a little boring.

But now everything has changed! The real prospect of an expansion is here. Now we shall converse again with all the characters and track all the story lines to prepare for the great arrival.

Here is the trailer if you are a gamer like I am. Enjoy! Reaper of Souls. Dun dun dun dunnnnn.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

We are the ambitionless

You know those people who've always known what they want to be or do in life? That drive, ambition and that purpose. They are so lucky. 
The worst part is that they don't understand people like us. We, without ambition, without skills or drive. We who are floating in nothingness wondering what we are supposed to do. 

"You just have to find something you are good at or what you like to do, and go for it" is what they tell us. It is not that easy. Our first world society is designed in such a way that you have to choose a career direction when you are just a teenager. Then when you are 17-18 you are expected to make your life's decision. Work or study and what kind, which one. This choice will influence the rest of your life. 

Around a certain age, you are expected to have a certain amount of experience. If not experience then they expect you to have a degree. If you have neither of those, you will not be considered. It is as simple as that. You are, too late. Too late because you didn’t know what you wanted when it mattered. 

As a result, people tend to stick to what they know, instead of trying to find something they want in life. If you worked in customer service it makes sense for you to grow into a manager position. It's not like you love your job or anything... but what else are you supposed to do? Maybe you helped your school with administrative work, and then you might as well become a secretary there. Why wouldn't you take the easy route. It doesn't make you happy, but it’s just a job. And even if you know what job would make you happy, it's too late by now. You don’t have the experience, and since you didn't know early on what you wanted, you also chose the wrong degree.

We are the people without drive, without ambition and without purpose.
There is always a way to get what you want, but the longer you wait the more difficult it gets. And we were ambitionless to start with it. If we didn't do it from the start, chances are we aren't ever going to do it. And that’s sad. But also reality.

Ambitionless used to be rare. Not so much nowadays. We are everywhere but we don't like it. But what can you do about it? What happened in our part of the world that just evaporated the drive of young people, and what does it mean for our future?

These are the things I wonder when I ponder my Past Doni's choices. Would I now know what choices to make?


Would you?

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Summertime sadness

Tonight we'll book the ticket for my 2 week vacation to Michael in Florida. I'm so ready to see him again. Happy to know he now has a great job, but sad that he won't be able to take any days off while I'm there. But we'll have the evenings and the weekend. I'll leave Friday 27th of September and I'll leave the 13th of October for home and arrive the 14th.

My work has stressed me out incredibly this week. A colleague of mine has taken a 2 week vacation, which results in some inflexibility in my schedule for that period. But my other job keeps scheduling me in like normal, which creates huge problems for me. I can't divide myself in 2. So now it's a balancing act in asking days off from my newest job - days they can't really miss me - and asking my other job to sacrifice their days off the help me out. I don't like to ask these kind of things of people and be a nuisance. It's stressing me out. A LOT. It makes me wish I was in Florida with Michael this very instant.

My unhappy state of mind might be because I've had more free time on my hands than I'm used to by now. And everyone knows that when you have nothing to do, you start creating unnecessary problems in your head. So it's good I work again tonight, it might focus my thoughts a little better.

I just wish the visa process would hurry up. Why does it have to take so long.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

A little perspective does wonders

It's a little difficult for me to write a blog post after my post about my cat Fuzzle. People who are not cat people, or animal lovers, won't understand how the death of an animal can impact your life so much. But pets are part of your family, and Fuzzle was a part of my family for 8 years.The sudden absence of my little friend is profound. But blogging shouldn't only be done in times of happiness, or else it defeats the purpose. So I will give it a try today, a week after we found out he died.

Michael has gotten a great job as court analyst in Gainesville. He starts his job August 12th. This is a really major happening and I'm super excited for him. This sets our dreams and goals a few big steps ahead and not to mention Michael's career opportunities! And even if he doesn't end up liking this kind of job, then we'll know it's not meant for us. So no matter what, good things happening.

In the meanwhile I'm busy working my jobs. I made a neat excel schedule that makes me happy to just look at. I'm a sucker for excel. I summarized my hours neatly under each job and the sum of all, and I am proud to say that this past month I worked an average of over 50 hours a week! Strangely enough this makes me feel good and energised instead of miserable and exhausted. Working 16 days in a row without a day off, has me ready for one yes, but I'm still fine. I constantly forget what humans are capable off, and I have to remind myself often that there are people out in the world who cope with so much more.

Single mothers without family to help them.
A simple man trying to earn enough money to give his children a better life than his.
Soldiers and civilians fighting day in and day out for their country and their survival.
Children in 3rd world countries who have to work 18 hours a day.

It shames me that I have to compare my measly 50 hours of work a week with people like that, to make sure I remember my life is an easy one. But in the end it helps me stay grounded and happy and realise what I have. I go to work because I can and want to. It doesn't ever feel like I HAVE to. If you have a choice, everything brightens already.

Moments like these make you
appreciate your free time all the more

Thursday, August 1, 2013

R.I.P Fuzzletje

Our dear and beloved Fuzzle has died. He was only 8 years old. He was the sweetest and cutest cat in the world. We would call him a panther, because he prowled about with a swagger and he was such a large cat. Fuzzletje looked kind of scary because he was so big, but he had the sweetest disposition. Fuzzle would run over to you and rub his head and body at your feet and legs until you picked him up. Then he sat there with slitted eyes purring like crazy. Often he would also lie on our lap for hours and contently sleep there.

He was quite the food monster, and that's how he grew so big. Some might have called him fat, but the veterinarian said he was big, and maybe a little chubby but muscled. It was not a problem, and not a health risk. Whenever it was nice weather outside we would keep our back door open and Fuzzle would lie in the shade of the garden, being a cat. Enjoying life. When it got a little later in de day and he had his dinner, he would run to the door to be let out. Then he would spend most of the night hunting creatures. Sometimes he'll bring a mouse or a bird home. We think it was his way of telling us we should feed him more and that we were bad hunters! I'm also sure that the next dinner he'd believe that we prepared his catch.

Not only was Fuzzle cute and cuddly, he could also be a tease. Lying on the couch seemingly asleep, my mom could walk buy in a large flowing skirt and quickly one paw would shoot out and grab the fabric. And everytime she would walk by he'd do that. Sometimes he would run around the house and jump on the little dresser to jump on top of the door. There he would sit very still - thinking he was hidden - to paw at people walking underneath the door. We'd often pretend to not know he was there so he could relish in our "scared" response. When he got a little older, he couldn't make the jump anymore. He'd sit on the dresser and stare at the top of the door, then jumped off all sad. 5 minutes later he tried again. So we sometimes lifted him up there so he could enjoy himself. Getting off was never a problem.

Today we found out he died. He got hit by a car in the head while chasing another white cat. He was supposedly instantly dead. Poor Fuzzle, he had such a good life. We love him so much. And I miss him. It makes me cry.

Bye you reckless crazy Fuzzle, you are already sorely missed.